Romance is a Battlefield
by statefarmsnake
Summary: Contains Red x Zim. Red has been conflicted for the past couple of days and realizes that he might hold affections for Zim. He later confronts Zim about it and they try "being together". Though... someone else likes Zim as well and is willing to fight for them.
1. Chapter 1

Romance is a Battlefield

Red sat at the table, only his arm keeping his head from slamming down hard onto the surface. He was bored, yet… his conflicted thoughts managed to keep him entertained as he stared at the blank computer screen. It was another eventless day and the excitement was dimming down from the past few weeks of constant invasion. Now all Red got to do was sit and do nothing, hoping that someone, anyone, would send him a transmission just to keep him busy. But… nothing.

At this point, he was willing to blow something up just so that tension could rise up again. Though… he wasn't prepared to blow up a piece of his own ship. That would just cause an amazing amount of chaos, something that he would not want to clean up on his own.

"What are you thinking about?" someone mumbled beside him. Red looked up at Purple. There was a doughnut stuffed into his mouth, and it looked like he was prepared to eat another one, though he stopped himself. "What are you thinking about?" he asked again, his mouth clearer the second time around.

"Don't worry about it," Red said. He let out a heavy yawn. "It's nothing important." In reality, what Red was thinking about wasn't truly important, yet it continued to haunt every fiber of his brain.

It was about romance, in truth. He didn't want to admit it to anyone, especially since he was raised purely to know that romance and love was taboo. That romance is a battlefield where everyone loses in a pit of their own blood. That's what he thought when he was a smeet and a student in the Academy. Yet, now that he was an Almighty Tallest, second-in-command only to The Brains, he felt much freer to have unusual thoughts like these.

And yet, how much freedom was too much. He was an Almighty Tallest. Shouldn't he be a role model?

"Well, whatever it is, it's clearly bothering you," Purple said. "You have that face, you know. It's not the bored face, it's the 'I'm going to blow something up soon if I don't feel better' face."

"If you know so much about me, then why don't _you_ tell me what I'm thinking," Red said.

"Is it really that bad?" Purple asked.

"I can't describe it…" Red said. "Besides, you do the same thing. I know you do."

"Yeah, but you know what I do?" Purple lifted up his bag of doughnuts and said, "Instead of brooding on it like you do, I just grab a bunch of doughnuts and I feel so much better about myself."

Red blinked, continuing to keep his eyes on Purple. He wanted to say something snarky, but he knew that Purple didn't deserve that. He actually felt that he needed to express his thoughts, Purple would definitely be the one to do so. "Give me the bag."

Purple smiled and happily obliged, allowing his bag of doughnuts to go onto the table before sitting down across from Red.

Red took a hand-full of doughnuts and stuffed it into his mouth before letting it sink down with a bit of his irken cola.

Purple chuckled and ate a few more doughnuts himself. "So, are you going to tell me what's on your mind? Or are you just going to continue to sit here in awkward silence."

Red thought for a moment, then said. "You first."

"Alright, fine. But you better promise that you'll speak up after this. What I'm about to tell you is really… strange, so I deserve a good story."

"Fine," Red responded.

Purple nodded. He scratched at his left eye before bluntly saying, "I've been thinking about that… love junk stuff. Especially after what we saw last week."

"A couple of irkens kissing, which prompted others to do the same?" Red asked. "That image will be permanently branded into my mind. They're going to be scolded and made fun of for the rest of their lives, and I of course threw in an insult or two."

"I did, too," Purple said. "But…"

"It got you thinking, too?" Red asked, revealing his thoughts.

"Yeah…"

"Romance is a battlefield," they both said at the same time. They chuckled at the thought. They took the same class together and remembered the way their professor said it. So dignified and snarky, almost as if he was an expert on the subject. Though, he insisted that he was never a part of any romantic situation ever in his life. Red and Purple never believed him.

"My problem is that I feel like there's something I don't get about it," Purple said. "I know what I like and I know what I dislike. If so many species indulge in such a thing as love, then why are irkens so against it?"

"We're invaders, that's why," Red said proudly. "Our primary objective is galactic conquest. Something tells me that love can only get in the way."

Purple chuckled. "I love it when you sound so dignified. It's funny."

"I have to be dignified," Red said with a sigh. "It's a part of being a Tallest."

"Yes, but we can have our fun," Purple said. "Remember when you were fun?"

"Remember when you were fun?" Red retorted.

Purple raised his hands innocently. "Fine, fine. If you don't want to talk to me right now, I get it. I'll be taking my doughnuts." Purple grabbed the bag and started to leave.

"Purple, wait," Red said. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Forget about it, Red," Purple said. "Take a day to cool down, alright? Shoot an irken into space for no reason. Grab a cup of coffee. Pummel Zim. You know… the fun things we used to do."

Red wanted to respond, but Purple was too far away and he didn't want to yell. He sighed. "Yeah, he's right," he whispered to himself. He looked up at his computer screen again, then down to the irkens controlling the whole ship. He knew that they couldn't hear Red and Purple's conversation. After a small… incident, they made sure of that.

Red stood up and yelled out, "Send a transmission to Zim on Earth and relay it over to my private quarters."

"Yes, my Tallest," one of the irken controllers said before pressing a few buttons to start a transmission with Zim.

Red began to walk back to his room, which was close to the bridge. He stepped inside and closed the door, awaiting the transmission that would hopefully start soon. Red knew that he wanted to unwind, and he figured that Zim would be the best candidate for the job. Though, not in the traditional sense.

After a few moments of impatient waiting, Red finally saw Zim's face pop up on his screen. He saluted like he normally did with a big smile on his face. "Hello, my Tallest. What glorious thing do you need from Zim?"

"I need a little bit of time with you, Zim," Red said. "I think there are a few things that we need to discuss."

"Oh yes, my Tallest," Zim said. "I have a _diabolical_ plan to get rid of the _stupid _humans, but it can wait some time so that I can talk with you, my Tallest." He gave a solemn grin. "What is it that you would like to talk about?"

"I don't mean now," Red said. "I would like to go to Earth and talk to you in-person. Can we have that arranged?"

Zim simply froze. Red thought that he might've killed him… which would've been somewhat ironic. Though, Zim finally spoke up, a clear sense of excitement in his voice. "Oh, yes, yes, my Tallest. You are absolutely welcome to come to Earth whenever you like. I'll drop anything and everything for you to come stay in my base. I'll make you some of your favorite treats for your and Tallest Purple's arrival. It'll be the special day where I can show you my plans for destroying the Earth and offering its resources to you."

"Fine, I look forward to it," Red said nonchalantly. "But Purple will not be joining us, and we will not be talking much about invasion business."

"Oh?" Zim asked, confused. "Then what could we possibly talk about?"

"You'll see," Red said. "Expect me in a couple of days. I expect you to transmit schematics for a human disguise to my personal Voot cruiser."

"Yes, my Tallest," Zim said. "I'll give you plenty of choices so that you can pick your most favorite." Zim gave a soft giggle, though he got rid of it since he knew he had to be professional.

"Whatever, see you in a couple of days," Red said. He shut off the transmission before he could give any hints to his true intentions. He didn't want to believe it himself of what he was about to do, but he would go mad if he didn't act on his thoughts. They've been plaguing him for several days.

"Romance is a battlefield," Red whispered to himself. "And I've been in a battlefield ever since I was created. That's what makes me an irken."

Red took his Voot cruiser and rode it to Earth at maximum speed. Even with that, it still took him roughly two days to get to the planet.

Along the way, Zim followed up on his orders and sent Red twenty schematics for different human disguises. Though, each disguise was a slight change in wig, outfit, and human eye color. Otherwise, the concept was exactly like Zim's. Red sighed and chose a simple schematic with a black wig, long grey shirt, and black pants. Red asked Zim about it. 'They're the social norm on this planet,' Zim responded. 'Those clothes are what are considered hip and cool.'

Red looked at the full-body mirror in his cruiser and posed for himself. He wasn't particularly fond of the style, though he knew he was a bit biased since he wore his uniform at all hours other than when he goes to his room to relax. Though, he had to admit that the clothes were far more comfortable than his uniform, giving his body room to breathe. Every time he saw his bare back, he would see marks embedded into his skin due to his tight torso piece.

After finalizing his disguise choice, he slowly landed onto Earth near Zim's coordinates. He put on a cloaking device around his ship and landed in Zim's yard. He instructed Zim to clear any obstructions, so the gnomes were properly stored underground.

Red stepped out of his ship and looked around. It was the middle of the day, which meant other humans were already outside doing their own thing. Though, they didn't seem to pay him any mind, so he didn't care too much. He went up to Zim's door and simply opened it. He didn't feel like knocking.

"Zim?" Red asked.

"Oh, you're here!" Zim exclaimed as he ran out of the kitchen. He was wearing a white apron that said "Best cook" on it and two red cooking mittens. "I was _just_ in the middle of baking you some delicious pastries that you can munch on while we talk. They should be finished shortly."

Red looked up and down Zim's and almost chuckled to himself. He looked silly, and... 'And what?' Red thought to himself. And the irken version of adorable, he thought. How was that possible? "Yes, very good. I… I… I need a moment to myself. Give yourself some time to finish your… cooking."

"Oh yes, my Tallest," Zim said, giving a goofy smile. "Are you unwell, may I ask? Your face is looking to be a bit of a darker green."

Red put a hand on his head and noticed that he was heating up a bit. He was getting noticeably flustered, and this was frustrating to him. "No, I'm fine. Just get out of the room for a second."

"Yes, my Tallest," Zim said, saluting before returning to the kitchen.

Red sat down on the couch and relaxed for a second. "You're such a coward. A big, tall, handsome coward," Red whispered to himself. "Can't even ask a simple question for curiosity's sake without getting embarrassed. Just go in there and tell him. He's a curious irken, too. He'll get it." Red left out a heavy sigh. "And now I'm talking to myself. Is there an end to this madness?"

Red quickly stood up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen. The smells on the inside were entirely intoxicating since there were fresh muffins on the counter. Red's favorite kind, a strange irken flavor.

"Feeling better, I hope," Zim said. "I prepared all of your favorites, just as I remembered them."

"Yes, yes, thank you," Red said, impressed that Zim knew so much about him. "Listen, Zim. Just drop what you're doing right now. I don't care anymore. I need to say something to you."

"It sounds like it's of grave importance. Say it quickly. Say it to _Ziiim_."

"Romance is a battlefield!" Red quickly said, clearly not thinking about it. "I-I mean, you're romantic, Zim. No! I like you, Zim!"

Zim blinked, moving his listening from one phrase to the next, making sure that he got everything he said correctly. "Mmm?" Zim mumbled. "You like, Zim? Perhaps you mean as an invader above all else."

"No, Zim," Red said. "You know exactly what I mean."

"But, my Tallest," Zim said. "Isn't it taboo for affections to be exerted by an irken?"

"If I told you I didn't care, would you still believe that?"

Zim blinked. "Uuuum… I will follow anything you say, my Tallest. I guess I don't know what to do in response to this. I would be a lying irken if I said I haven't had dreams to once hold the affections of my Tallest."

"Zim, just stop with the formals for a second," Red said. "Talk to me like you would talk to anyone else."

"I doubt you would like that," Zim said.

"Try me," Red said.

"Oh… okay," Zim said. "As you wish, my Tallest." He swallowed and cleared his throat. "Zim will _never _hold his affections for anyone," he yelled. "Not even you, Red."

Red approached Zim, almost satisfied that someone had actually talked down to him. It was a nice change to his normal routine. "That's a good start, Zim. Keep at it."

"Eeeh," Zim thought for a moment. "Zim refuses to be held down. Even your leadership cannot control me."

"Yeah? This can." Red slowly connected his head with Zim's head. It was affectionate and yet it was dominating. He wanted to try something entirely different and he was liking it. "Yell at me again."

"Uh-… uh, I can't," Zim said. He was getting clearly shy at this point.

"Really, now?" Red asked. "Then perhaps my entire trip here was a waste."

"No, no!" Zim exclaimed. "No, no. I can think of something. Um… I bet you would make a _terrible_ lover."

"Oh? I'm going to have to prove you wrong then, Zim."

"How do you propose you're going to do that?" Zim asked, legitimately curious.

"Let's start with this," Red said as he leaned forward and planted a small kiss on Zim's lips. That was the first thing that he saw the irkens do when they were affectionate with each other. As he continued it for a moment, he was a bit confused as to why people enjoyed it so much. He figured it would make him feel really good like he was told, but it was just incredibly awkward. He separated the kiss and eventually said, "That didn't mean anything to you, did it?"

"From you? It was very special," Zim said. "Anything is special from an Almighty Tallest."

"Be honest with me," Red said.

Zim looked away. "It was gross. I felt gross doing it."

Red groaned as he walked away. "This is so stupid! Why am I doing this?"

"If you'll allow me my Tallest, may I ask why you wanted to do this?" Zim asked. "It seems like something that even you wouldn't attempt."

"Curiosity is a terrible thing, Zim," Red said. "If you ever get infected with curiosity, you should just take off your PAK and waste away."

Zim shivered a bit, not even wanting to take about it. "Okay, fine. But… what will you do about it, my Tallest?"

"Well, first you're going to stop calling me your tallest," Red said. "The formalities are just stupid right now. Second… I don't know. I came all of this way just for a lousy kiss and an attempt at romance. Why would I ever do that for so little?"

"May I suggest something?" Zim asked.

"It better be a good suggestion."

"If I'm feeling down and I would want to do something with someone else… I'd go into a random building, kick every last human out, and blow it up and watch it _burst_ into flames." Zim laughed with his normal diabolical laugh before eventually calming down. "Doesn't that sound _fun_, my Tal-… Red?"

Red thought for a moment, then nodded his head. "Yeah, Zim. That sounds like a _lot _of fun."


	2. Chapter 2

Romance is a Battlefield

Chapter 2

Red and Zim went out during the night in their human disguises. They figured that they could get the most done if a bunch of humans weren't watching their every move.

Red tugged at his pants as he tried to get comfortable in them. He wished he could wear the generic invader uniform like Zim could since it seemed a bit more comfortable, but he felt that his disguise was more formidable for the situation. He _still_ didn't believe that Zim could manage to look so much like himself and yet pass off as a human with green skin. "Where are we going?"

"There's a place in the middle of town that holds many of the human's merchandise centers. I had a rough encounter there a little while ago and I think it is time to pay them a visit again."

"Wait, if you had a rough encounter there, wouldn't it be better for you to stay away if they already recognize who you are?" Red asked. "Seems like basic logic to me."

"Oh, I've been studying this facility for a long time," Zim said. "I plan to destroy it from the inside-out, and then the humans will no longer have any places to get their merchandise, showing them that the irken empire means business."

"I… guess that makes… no sense," Red said, rolling his eyes. "But we're out here to blow something up."

"And that's what we plan to do, Red," Zim said. "I'm so _excited_ that you get to see Zim do what he does best, which is wreak havoc and cause utter chaos."

"Trust me, I already saw enough of that happening on Irk," Red said, sighing. "But let's just ignore that for now. What's the plan?"

"It's a simple one." Zim relayed the plan to Red as they made it to the mall. It was exactly the same as Zim had left it, though he knew that he would have to try for a different tactic than walking through the front door. That's why he studied the schematics and understood the ventilation system. He went to the side of the building and saw one of the lower shafts. "Watch and be amazed." He brought out his PAK legs and shot lasers in order to unhinge the grate that blocked the entrance to the shaft. "Can you give Zim a little boost?"

Red almost thought that Zim sounded cute when he said that, but he shook the thought almost immediately. He grabbed Zim and lifted him up almost like he was some kind of child in the arms of his father. After placing him in the vent, Red went in after him and they began crawling.

Zim remained quiet, trying not to raise alarm to his old security guard 'friend'. He went in a very distinct path: left, right, left, left, right, until Zim felt comfortable stopping. "I think this is it. Do you have the signal rats?"

Red nodded. He brought out a small box with a bunch of rats in them. They were little just rats with a little antenna attached to their stomachs with a bit of Scotch tape.

"Alright, set these little vermin free and they'll roam around the entire place. We'll wait a little bit of time, then we'll exit, then we'll throw the switch and KABOOM!" Zim quickly covered his mouth, though no one was coming their way. "Alright, let's do this quick."

Red flipped over the box and the rats began to scurry back into the mall. He then slowly turned himself around (though, it was difficult. He's so tall!) and began heading out of the vent. As he did so, he jumped out and slowly got Zim out as well. They went over to a safer area and Zim brought up a few camera screens using a tablet that he stored in his PAK.

"You have camera signals, ventilation schematics, destructive rats, and a map to the whole place," Red said. "Wow, you actually thought this one through."

"Zim _always_ thinks his very elaborate plans through," Zim said. "Now that the Dib-human isn't getting in the way this time, it gives me plenty of freedom to do anything to this filthy place." He let out a small laugh. He looked down at his tablet and kept track of his rats. Thankfully, they were scurrying around rather than moving around in packs. Many of the main areas were covered and that was good enough for Zim. "Ready for this?"

"Oh, I am absolutely ready for this," Red said, a devious smile on his face.

Zim pulled out the device with the button on it and asked, "Would you like to do the honors, Red? I think you deserve it."

Red couldn't help but smile. He loved Zim's loyalty, even if it could get a little annoying at times. "Let's do it together."

Zim returned the smile and put the device in between them. They each positioned a finger over the button.

"1…" Red called.

"2…"

"3…" They each pressed the button at the same time and looked at Zim's tablet as the Earth began to shake when the explosions began to go off. They tried to keep themselves as stable as possible as the tremors got bigger and bigger.

The explosions didn't penetrate the outer walls, but they weren't supposed to. Zim didn't want everyone to see the damage right away. Once the dust cleared, only three cameras remained, and they each gave a great view of the damage that was caused.

Columns were toppled over, many shops were in pieces, and the main hallway was no longer recognizable. The zombies that used to roam the halls were now truly dead and no longer walking. Zim let out a large laugh and Red couldn't help but join in. This was the most fun that he's had since he was an irken elite. He didn't ever get the personal honors to blow something up like that.

"Oh, this is amazing!" Red exclaimed, extending his arm to bring Zim in closer. "Did you see that? It's completely destroyed now!"

Zim let out a quick yelp as Red brought him in. Though, he couldn't help but smile. "I'm glad that you are pleased, Red. I didn't realize that you would be so excited. I assumed you've seen explosions that are at least ten times the magnitude of this one."

"Yeah, but I don't get to set them off," Red said, starting to act a bit childish. "When you're stuck on that blasted ship for so long, you wonder what it's like to actually do something yourself. You have no idea how excited I am right now." He brought Zim into his chest.

Zim hit with an oof, but then rested it gently on his chest. "I'm happy that you're happy, my Tallest. I don't believe I have ever seen you this elated before. It makes me want to do it some more. Maybe blow something up with so much more mass just to make you proud of Zim! I can offer it to you with a billion snacks."

Red looked down at Zim, smirking all the while. "I would like that a lot. You're really loyal, aren't you Zim?"

Zim put his hands on his hips proudly. "I am loyal to only the best irkens in this galaxy. I don't see why I wouldn't be to someone of your magnitude, Red. You're extra special in Zim's heart."

"Good answer," Red said, maintaining his sturdy poise. He went down onto one knee and brought Zim's head up. They got their lips leveled together before they were eventually connected. This kiss was a whole lot different than it was before. This time they were both prepared for it, and this time it seemed like they both enjoyed it. Eventually, Red ended the kiss, the spark still going even after their lips stopped touching. "How was that now? Was it still gross?"

Zim put a hand behind his head. It was clear that there a slight dark green blush going across his face, even in the darkness. "Perhaps it isn't as gross as I first thought it would be. I would be… okay with doing it again if you don't mine, Red. It was perhaps… decent."

"You look so cute when you're flustered," Red said, chuckling. He knew that would make Zim upset, but he couldn't help himself.

Zim let out a half-growl. "Zim is _not_ cute."

Red backed-off a bit. "Alright. I'm just messing with you."

Zim looked back up at Red's face, frowning a bit. It was an innocent face that even Red has never seen before. "So… what do you want to do now? I can grab more detonators and we can destroy more stuff while the night is still upon us."

"Maybe later," Red said. "I think we've done enough damage. I want to get here early enough to see what the humans think of their newfound building. I want to see the look on their faces as they think of another place to shop for their precious goods."

Zim let out a soft laugh, which for him, wasn't that soft. "Oh, yes, Red," Zim exclaimed. "That sounds like a brilliant plan. I always enjoy the insolence of human stupidity. They won't know what hit them and they'll struggle to develop a solution to their problem. I love it."

"Me, too," Red said. "Now, let's go back to your base. You said that you were cooking pastries and I'm pretty sure that I want to start eating them."

Zim looked up at Red, pleased. "Oh, they are most delicious, Red. I have been practicing my baking skills by developing irken-human techniques. I think you'll be delighted by how great they taste."

"I look forward to it," Red said with a faint smile.|||

Red and Zim returned to Zim's base and decided to sleep it off. Red saw no need in sleeping in the same bed as Zim, so Zim offered Red his own bed while he slept on the couch. As Red laid his head down on the pillow, he contemplated on what had happened that day. Only earlier that week, he was on the Massive, and now he was here. He had just kissed Zim twice in one day and was feeling a sense of… pleasure with Zim.

"That's a lot to take in," Red whispered to himself as he turned himself on the bed. He found himself constantly fidgeting in the middle of the night. 'What would the Brains think of what I'm doing?' Red thought to himself. 'What would Purple think of me? Especially after the conversation we had before I left… he would probably think I went nuts. Got defective like Zim.'

Red tried to sleep it off. Other than all of the negative thoughts, he was actually a bit happy. He felt especially rebellious with the thought of going against the Irken Empire for once instead of enforcing the many intense rules. That's when he realized how many rules that there were. He felt like he was breaking so many… though his entire life was surrounded by rules. Rules that were meant to be broken.

Red immediately felt better after thinking that. He considered himself to be somewhat righteous for making that realization. When he returned to the Armada, perhaps he could lighten his rule on certain aspects. Maybe throw one or two less irkens out of the ship every day for even defying the smallest of rules.

The following morning, Red woke up early to the smell of sweet pastries. He wondered if it was the same smell from Zim's cooking yesterday, but these ones smelled entirely fresh. He climbed out of bed and put on his casual irken clothing, a tight red shirt and rubber pants, before riding the elevator down to the ground floor.

The scents grew more and they almost swept Red off of his feet. He was used to the common and bland cooking from the Armada that he almost forgot that there was any other types of food in existence.

Red made it around the dark house. A single light was on and there was no sunlight shining in since it was still very dark outside. He entered the kitchen and noticed Zim on top of his counter as he tried desperately to reach some flour on the top shelf. Since Red was much taller, he managed to grab it with ease and handed it to Zim.

"Oh, thank you, Red," Zim said as he struggled to climb down from the counter. "I'm sorry, did I wake you from your sleep with the scents of my tasty pastries? I wanted to get a head start since we wanted to see the reaction of the destruction we did."

Red shook his head. "Yeah, they did wake me up, but I don't mind. You ought to know that I don't sleep much to begin with. Being a Tallest basically any form of regular sleep schedule."

Zim nodded before bringing himself back to the stove. He took the muffins out of the oven and placed them on the counter. "I can understand that, Red. You have very important duties to deal with and many annoying irkens to do them with. I'm sure it must keep you up at night."

"Trust me, it does," Red said. 'Even with you sometimes,' Red thought to himself, though there was no way that he would actually say that out loud. He eyed the muffins and was tempted to grab them, but knew better. He knew what intense heat felt like before: a muffin straight out of the oven. So he decided to wait patiently while talking with Zim about something unimportant. He wasn't really paying attention, because there was a strange siren going on in the background.

His ears perked up as it got louder and louder and colors of red and blue flashed through Zim's windows before eventually fading away into the distance. "What was that?" Red asked.

"Human police services," Zim said as he pulled out the last batch of muffins. "I've never had any trouble with the likes of them. They are no stronger than the weakest irken elite and they have served no purpose in actually protecting their blessed planet."

"I see," Red said. "I didn't expect much from pathetic humans."

"And you shouldn't," Zim said. "And now that I think about it, since there are sirens, then there must be trouble. It could be that our damage was discovered."

"Are you certain about that?" Red asked.

Zim shrugged. "No, but I always like to follow the sirens. See what the humans are up to. It _is_ one of the main ways that an invader studies its prey, right?"

Red nodded. "I guess you're right. So… follow the police?"

"Follow the piece," Zim said. "GIR! Put on your doggy disguise. We are departing _at once_!"

GIR came running in. He was already in his disguise. He may have been stupid, but at least he had some sense of loyalty. "I dreamt that I was in a _biiiiig _'ol lollipop. It was _tasty_."

"SIR units can dream?" Red asked.

"Don't listen to him… you should know very well of his… intelligence. In fact, I'm still waiting to see how… advanced this unit is, as you said."

Red blinked. "Oh, it's advanced alright. It has advanced stupidity."

Zim let out a small, delighted laugh. "Oh, Red. You can be so funny. Let's go." Zim started marching out of the house and Red and GIR followed closely behind.

Red went to Zim's side as they walked to where the sirens were still blaring and the lights were still going. It wasn't very far and it was clearly in the direction of the mall, so Red and Zim felt confident that their dirty work paid off.

Red looked at Zim for a moment and then finally asked, "Can I ask you something out of curiosity?"

"Of course," Zim said. "What are you curious about?"

"You've been on Earth for a long time," Red said. "Do you… like it here or something? Or have your plans been legitimately failing all of this time?"

Zim looked down, connecting his hands together. "Zim has been trying his best," he said. "But I will admit that I have gotten nicely acquainted with some of the human culture and it might be strange if I went back to Irk right away."

"… Interesting answer," Red said. "I always had the fear that if I sent an invader away, that he might get adapted to the culture of the planet that they were trying to invade and just end up staying there. I feared that of Invader Larb on Vort. He surprised Purple and I in the end."

"An invader getting adapted to a planet that had plenty of military defense and offense," Zim said. "I can see how that could backfire."

Red nodded. "So, if given the option, would you stay here or would you return to Irk?"

"I would attempt to finish my mission and conquer the Earth for you," Zim said.

Red really wanted to say to Zim that his entire mission was a lie and that he'd be wasting his time, because there would be no way that Red could possibly convince Purple to allow Zim the privilege. What could he say without revealing his true intentions? "Good answer," he eventually said.

The two of them remained silent until they reached the mall, which was surrounded by bright lights and people in several different uniforms. Zim and Red blended in the environment and tried to hear as many details as they could.

One cop said, "The mall night guard was caught in the blast. I don't think he survived." This made Zim smirk. 'Serves him right,' he said.

Another cop sniffed the air and covered his air. "Rumor has it that there are a bunch of zombies in this mall. The crazy night guard was trying to make an army or somethin'." The rumor remained a rumor until eventually a few firemen dragged out a few zombie-like creatures from the wreckage. Many of them were in several pieces and there was no way that they would be reanimated. Seeing this made a couple of the cops incredible uncomfortable and one nearly vomited. Rumor confirmed.

Zim and Red felt so pleased with their dirty work and they wanted to stick around to hear some of the other findings. But then one of the cops walked over to their hiding spot and said, "What are you two snickering about?"

"Oh… nothing," Red said. "We're checking out the damage."

"Yes, yes. The damage. It is saddening to hear of the loss of the crazy lunatic guard that worked in there," he lied. "He'll be missed."

"Yeah, yeah," the cop said. "Why don't you two beat it? We're trying to investigate and we don't want any onlookers."

Red's leadership instincts kicked in and he crossed his arms. "I don't think I like your tone with us. We can watch if we want to watch."

The cop grabbed his baton and waved it in front of Red and Zim.

Since Red and Zim were in disguise, they couldn't afford to fight the cop in front of other policemen. They backed-off and said, "Or we can leave." They then left the scene.

"Geez. On Irk, people were invited to check out the wreckage," Red said. "Where's the fun of telling people to 'beat it'?"

"They're more concerned with who did it than the entertainment," Zim said.

"Should we be concerned with that?" Red asked.

"No," Zim said. "These humans are too stupid to understand anything about evidence. Besides, all of the cameras were destroyed from the blast."

Red nodded as they walked back to Zim's base. When they returned, they were a bit concerned because there was a figure on Zim's lawn. He was sitting on one of the gnomes. Since it was so dark, Red and Zim barely saw who it was until they reached the fence.

"Purple?" Red asked, his voice quivering a bit. This was call for concern.


End file.
